(A note on the image: This photo collage was an experiment in 'Uncomfortable Textures', and an obvious play on the fashion industry.) You can click on it to see it larger.
It's the weekend! (Which for many of us artists is just another work day, of course.) Still, even as we gladly slave away at the easel, it's good to always keep a sense of humor. Take the following article as you will. I hope you'll find something amusing here.
"13 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO AN ARTIST"
(note from me: I DID NOT WRITE THIS. I started keeping a binder full of cartoons and humorous art articles years ago. The following magazine article dates back maybe 20 years?)
"Artists would just as soon never have to hear some comments, but the 13 statements below always seem to crop up at one time or another. Feel free to use the responses provided-- or just grit your teeth and think them.
“My kid could do that.”
So where Is this genius--cutting a deal with Sotheby’s?
“I wish I could do that but I can’t draw a straight line.”
Unless you’re Josef Albers, it’s not that important.
“I have a cousin/brother/great-aunt (pick one) who makes art”
Let me guess, on Sundays?
“How long did it take you to make that?”
“That must really be fun to do.”
Yes, it is—If you like poverty, rejection, and working with potentially hazardous materials.
“I’d like to show some of my pictures in a gallery—by the way, what are slides, a résumé and portfolio.”
(No response necessary.)
“I don’t know anything about art but I know what I like.”
A real mental heavyweight.
“If it’s local it couldn’t be good...I buy all my art In New York.”
So move to New York.
“I wish I had time to do that.”
After flossing regularly and rearranging our sock drawer, forget it.
“Did someone make that?”
No, it just fell to earth.
“I’d like to buy some art, but as I look at my Rolex, I realize that I have to jump in my Jag, hop on my jet and fly to my home in the south of France. When I do buy, could I have it for half price since we’re cutting out the gallery?”
Please get out of my life.
“I would like something to go over my couch. Could you do that in mauve, puce and teal?”
No, buy a new couch.
“It’s perfect, I love it! But I’ll have to talk to my decorator first.”
Does he/she hold your hand through all of life’s big decisions?
Note at the bottom: These comments originally appeared In Tower news, the publication of the Watertower Art Association (Louisville, KY)."
I have one of my own to add.
At one of my first shows, a lawyer came with his art enthusiast girlfriend. After a bit of pleasant chatting, he says:"Don't you feel it violates the spirit of your artwork to put a price tag on it?"
It took me six months to come up with a response, which I doubt I'll ever have the chance to use: "Don't you think it's inappropriate for you to charge for your services, since, after all, your only Practising law?" (Don't get me wrong, one of my best friends is a lawyer! Just not that guy!)
What's the oddest art comment you've heard?